Run in the time of Quarantine

I'm struggling, and I know I'm not the only one. There is something super isolating about quarantine.

COVID-19 is scary. I spend most of my day monitoring cases as they are on the rise in Michigan, and holding my breath each time a new death is announced. Running has always been a release for me. Now it's also an escape. I'm grateful that I'm able bodied and can get outside most days to enjoy nature and breathe in fresh air. But then I get home, and it's a stark reminder of this strange new world we're living in. Kids aren't in school, I'm struggling to work from home and remain productive. 

I worry about my job, I work in politics and the Election is going to come no matter where I'm working or whether the global outbreak still has us on our toes. There is so much to do at work and at home and I find it incredibly hard to find balance. I went to the grocery store yesterday and looked at the faces of people around me and I saw panic in their eyes. 

Like many other folks, a lot of people in my life are in at the risk groups. My parents are older and I have relatives and friends who are immunocompromised. I am so, so scared for them. I wish I could create a bubble to protect the people I love. I think about my loved ones each time I wash my now dry and chapped hands. One step closer to building that bubble. 

I'm also planning a wedding. Wedding planning is a lot of work, and now it might not even happen. I feel so far behind in the planning every day, but it's hard to get motivated for something that is looking likely to be cancelled or delayed. So far my bachelorette party has already been cancelled. I'm expecting my bridal shower is probably not far behind. I have dreamt of my wedding day since I was a little girl and it's looking more and more like that's just not going to happen. However, my wedding is just not worth risking the lives of the people I love.

Being at home, even when working and taking care of kids and the house, makes my mind more able to wander. I had been able to cope with the grief of losing my sister two months ago by keeping busy and on the move. Her birthday is next week. I think of her every day, but when I'm home memories of her and things I wish I had done differently flood my thoughts. I miss her so much it's almost palpable. The fact that it's not safe for me to go home and support my parents on her birthday chips away at my already broken heart. 

I've got a lot on my mind and right now the safest and best thing I can do for myself (and the people I'm sharing close quarters with for the foreseeable future) is to lace up my shoes and go for a run.